Helping a Child Cope With Death
Children, unlike adults, do not experience constant, intense emotional and behavioral grief reactions. Children seem to show grief only occasionally, but the main difference between a child and an adult is that their grief usually lasts longer. They are young and have a lifetime ahead of them.
Mourning in children may need to be addressed again in the future. As children grow up they will repeatedly think about the loss, especially during important times in their lives such as starting kindergarten, graduation and getting married.
Grief will be different at different ages. The amount of understanding depends on a child’s age, personality, stage of development and how close they were to the person that died. It is best not to dismiss any of these differences among children. For example, people tend to think that just because a toddler is small and has not developed mature reasoning skills that they do not know what is going on. This is not true. Children are good at picking up small, minute tensions among people. The door that slams a little harder out of anger, the absence of smiling faces and laughter, and the attention that has now lessened since someone (especially a parent) has died. They may not feel as loved and nurtured as before. Older children usually struggle with three main issues: 1.) Did I cause the death to happen? 2.) Does death happen to everyone, even me? 3.) Who is going to take care of me now?
It is healthy for an adult to reassure the child that everything will be okay and that they will be taken care of no matter what. Children need positive reinforcement and good examples from adults. They may say things like, “Mommy/Daddy would have lived “if only” I had………” Again, reassurance that it was not their fault is a must for parents.
If a child feels that he/she is being heard and loved, it shortens the grieving process. Children who are judged, grow to repress their feelings. Try to be as open and honest with your child as you possibly can.
The following are a few suggestions about how to speak to a child after a death: - Make sure your child feels that they can openly talk about the death.
- Try to use proper words about the reason or “why” the person passed away, such as cancer, car accident, or heart attack. Children get confused when statements such as “we lost him” are said.
- Don’t tell your child that the person is “sleeping,” because after they see everyone crying they may fear going to bed.
- Tell your children its okay to cry.
Letter From Heaven | Footprints | Comfort for Those
Who Mourn | Stages of Grief |
A Season for
Everything | Understanding
the Difference Between Grief, Guilt, and Depression | The 23rd Psalm | He Was My Brother
Too... | Should You Go
First | Helping a Child
Cope with Death | Prayer for a
Deceased Spouse | Why God Takes
Children | God is Caring
for Your Loved Ones... | For Those Seeking
Consolation
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